Merry Xmas and all that

I wish I meant that.  I mean I DO think that for you, but as far as I'm concerned I've had a shithouse Christmas and New Year "season".   Yeah, unseasonally hot.  Sweaty, horrible.
The worst thing about the whole bloody deal is that the dispensary (in my case a pharmacist who shuts  every Sunday and public holiday without fail) gave me 4 take aways (take-homes in the US) for the Xmas break and then just today the same again.  Needless to say I I've already shot up three of them and have given the remaining one to my husband JJ to look after so I can't dip into it nefariously.
     Yep, I've never learnt to control myself.  The only way I managed to achieve the transition from heroin addiction to methadone maintenance was by the psychological ploy of staying on it because I could hit it up.  I don't know exactly what it is, maybe it's the instant "effect" (more like relief when I'm feeling sick) and the irony is that I wouldn't be feeling sick in the first place if I didn't hit the shit up and have it processed and eliminated so much quicker. 
     I've been toying with the idea of quitting injecting my 'done for years but somehow I've never been able to.  This year I have finally realised that I need proffessional help and I'm going to start looking for it.
     There's an Australian subsidy catering for twelve visits to a psychologist in a calendar month where 3/4 of your fee is refunded to you.  That means about $55A out of pocket.  I've found a psychologist on the internet that is both local AND seems to have a really cool view on drug issue that I'm going to try first.  But if she's no good I'll keep looking.  I'm not giving up THIS time.  THIS year is going to be different.
     Why a psychologist when I could see a psychiatrist on Medicare?  Because they're lazy fucks who won't work for the petty fee that Medicare pays them but instead reach for the prescription pad and although this may be good for some people it definitely is NOT what I want.  I want REAL change, not just another pill.
     In the meantime I will change pharmacies because the bitch and her assistant who run the place really lived up to the the name over these holidays.
     First of all they refused to give me and my husband the same amount of takeaways and on the same days, destroying any planned outings overnight (like to my parents' place). 
On Xmas Eve I walked into the "cupboard". That's what I call this little gyproc cubicle accessed by a door to the side of the pharmacy counter where you enter to have your 'done dispensed.  It's hardly a meter by a meter in size (I think that's about 4 and a half feet square).  They use it to keep us out of sight of their "regular" customers.  Anyway when I walked in and was about to be handed the plastic cup containing my dose, I noticed that the bottle containing the water used to wash down the medicine was almost empty - there was hardly half an inch there and it would have been the same water that had stood all night, since yesterday.  She refused.  I was feeling sick from not having anything for a day (and moreover having drunk over Xmas which ALWAYS seems to make the elimination of my methadone more rapid) - and I kick myself now for not taking action over which I had every right. 
     A week later, this morning, I'm sick again (this time from drinking) and when I unscrewed the plastic bottle top I saw that the rim of the actual bottle was smeared as if by someone else's lips or something.  It was so disgusting...oh how I wish I had stood up for myself.
     At any rate I'll be bringing my own bottle of water from now on.
     Well, despite all the horror, I wish YOU a Happy New Year (and I certainly hope your Xmas period passed better than mine did) and for ME, I hope that I can finally bring my life around to the heading I want to be.

There's more to it than just going to the chemist every day

Hey!

Welcome kids to the 101 education centre about drugs!  Honestly, if kids learnt even a vetted corner of what I'm writing it would stand them in could stead - INstead they have to work it out all alone.

I have no network, no "Higher Power" - no nothing to aid me in my message...all I can hope is that a few conscientious people may read and learn from one (my) person's experience, and either help themselves or help others.  That is almost the whole reason I'm trying to do this.  The final reason is because I need to save myself.

At the moment this is the situation of THIS current drug addict:
I am on 110mg per day of methadone - I have to - HAVE TO - hit it or I would be on the streets looking for heroin...see, I'm addicted to hitting (injecting) as much as the drug, if not more.  I collect from my neighbourhood pharmacist who treats all their methadone clients like shit (no exceptions).

I can say for a certainty that if someone told my my doctor I was injecting my methadone and he (reflex kick/no thought) cut my take aways/take homes I would be back on the street working for my addiction like in my twenties - so much worse now I am 40...what do YOU think?